As I have written earlier, I take care of my 89 year old mother who is totally disabled. I had my house converted to accommodate someone in a wheelchair by putting in a ramp from the front door to the driveway of my house, a roll-in shower and bought a lift to transfer her to her wheelchair to bed or to her living room chair. I get her to the doctor by using a wheelchair transport service.
Redoing my house cost about $20,000.00 but that’s just about two months of how much it would cost for a care facility.
I moved my mother in with me in 2007 when she had a thyroid crash. Her then doctor wasn’t keeping check of her thyroid levels and she had a major incident. I took her to my doctor, and he got her straightened out. She could still walk then but she was having trouble taking care of herself. She just needed a little help then.
Over time she slowly became more debilitated until she was totally disabled.
Now I do everything a caregiver in a facility would do. If it wasn’t for me, she would be in assisted living with all the horrors that come with that.
It is a major commitment. I haven’t taken a real vacation in over ten years. Caregiving for an elderly parent is a full-time job along with my full-time job, which I work from home, along with my peritoneal dialysis treatments which I also do at home at night while I sleep. There are no holidays or days off from any of it.
I don’t mind it however. With my current medical condition, I would be home all the time anyway. It would be hard for me to take a trip. I can see me trying to get all my luggage along with my dialysis cycler through an airport by myself. It would cost a fortune to check all that stuff on a plane.
I’ve taken nice trips though. I’ve seen the biggest stars on Broadway and have taken some nice cruises. I’ve always been an occasional traveler, so I don’t miss it that much.
I have treated bedsores after Mama would come home after being in a rehab after some illness. I learned how to properly clean woman-parts, how to change the bed linens when someone is in the bed and all the basics a CNA in a nursing facility would perform. I cook, clean, dispense medications for both Mama and myself. I stay on a regular schedule that I’ve been on for years.
When caregiving for someone, you can’t be selfish. Sure I miss my previous life sometimes but I also know I have a responsibility to her and myself.
I’ve been here before though. I took care of my grandmother when she was dying of cancer in the late 1980s. I was with her about six years until she died in 1990. Caring for my mother is a bit more difficult. My grandmother never was disabled though she’d use a walker when she needed it. She could get to the bathroom by herself, bathe and all that. She just needed someone to be there and cook when she became really ill.
So that’s pretty much my life as it exists today. I’m not complaining. My reward is when I get through another day where no one gets sick or dies.
I like having my mother with me. She’s good company. Miss Mama has always been a sweet lady. I owe so much to her. She put up with me when I was trying to get my career going and basically tolerated and helped me while I was getting my shit together. I went back to school when I was thirty years old which is another story.
If you’re a caregiver, stay strong and be patient. Anything you don’t know how to do, look it up on YouTube. That’s how I learned to do many things in relation to caregiving for the elderly.